Saturday, December 29, 2012

Lessons Learned in 2012 part 2

Go with your gut. I know its stupid. But here is the thing. I thought I loved someone and we talked about getting married all the time but I refused to commit because something in my gut always said NO. I felt like I wasn't the marrying kind. I mean look at my role models. My parents were divorced shortly after I was born. My dad seems to get married more often then I purchase shoes and my mom other then my dad has been married to a looser who lets just say should stay in jail for life.

Then relationships around me are all pretty crummy too. People who stay married that hate each other just because they don't believe in divorce. Some people stay married for life and die hating their significant other. I can't do that. When I get married its going to be for keeps. Lately I have begun to think that my waiting was for the best.

So back to what happened this year. When I felt something wrong and my gut told me to listen I did and I found out that I was dating the scum of the earth. My gut warned me things weren't right and I listened. So here I am. Happy. Enjoying some rain, typical, and loving life.

You have no clue how much I don't miss you. Yeah I think of you because I did care about you. I did love something about you. Funny thing I can't think of what it is or was. In fact I look at pictures of you and I feel NOTHING.

Sad but honestly not really.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Lessons Learned in 2012 part 1

Lesson one..... You cannot have your heart broken by someone when you didn't have it to give away. Those following my blog know that I met the man of my dreams in 2001. He was my first love. I was 20 and he was 27. He never had to say a word to me and I knew how beautiful I was to him. We fell in love the old fashioned way, through letters while he was fighting in the war. I gave my heart and soul to him. We tried to find each other at different times but one of us was always in something else. When he died a part of me died. To this day I still crave him. Ok let me explain that. Chris talked to me like everything out of my mouth was gold. Even if he thought I was being a silly kid he played along. He looked at me and through his eyes all I saw was love. At 21 I waisted that. It frighted me to know that love was out there so I ran. So when my most recent relationship ended I found myself crying over my stupidity. I found myself crying over what I missed with Chris. I cried over years waisted with a looser when I had my King and hero waiting for me here in Washington. I know a part of my heart is back. With each day I heal and while I still miss Chris he will always be a part of who I am. Yes I waisted close to 7 years with someone who made me feel ugly, useless and a looser but he can never experience what Chris and I had. So now I am choosing to move on. I 'may' have prospects. I 'may' be dating already. I also 'may' never date yeah right who am I kidding. Lets just say. I feel pretty again.....

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Feeling unsure about that....

My poor friend Chelly.......

She is such a great friend and I totally appreciate her but she has sat there and listened to me talk about so and so since we became friends. I swear she is the most amazing person I know.

She supports me, she holds me up, I feel so appreciated when I am speaking to her. I am not going to be talking about whats happening in my life because I don't want it back in my face but Life is great, God is good.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Just letting things happen

So IF things go the way they do here is the plan. Enjoying how I feel NOW.

Church today was about facing our demons and well we all know what my DEMON is. The one who just won't let it go. Until I HAVE to deal with it I think its just best if I just let it go. I am doing what I can to just ignore it but I am having to struggle and stress because YOU do drugs and couldn't keep it together when you decided SELFISHLY to end our relationship. Must be burning your mom now to see how I kept your butt in shape for all that time! HAHAHA Oh yeah that feels good :)

So in this plan is getting to REALLY know the people I have in my life. Getting to know them in a non techy way. Like I said before if/when I I start, or already started, dating I was going to keep that relationship to myself for as long as I can. Try and avoid phones and social media and doing anything that has anything to do with it.

The way I feel NOW will only work if it continues when I am with him. Right now I am enjoying it......

Friday, November 16, 2012

Trying to move on

Whats hard about moving on from the last guy.....

The fact that he is still finding ways to keep his drama spilling into my life. Its interesting how he was so insistent on my being the root cause of all of the drama that occupied OUR life, when honestly most of it was HIS mommy, but since I have been gone NO drama has happened with me here or the people I am choosing to surround my life with.

The worst, I cannot get my name off of the lease no matter how hard I beg. He keeps letting undesirables live with him and I am going to have to pay for his mistakes all because he let me sign a lease KNOWING full well he wanted nothing more with our relationship. The only thing keeping me in AZ was his looser ass and so you ALL know the SECOND I found out who he was turning into I was on the first flight I could get on to out of his life and into my own.

Since I have gotten back here I have been welcomed with open arms not only into my best friends life but into her husbands family, into the lives of all the new friends I have made, into a new church (which is similar to CCV) and of course into the lives of my bosses. That one I am the MOST thankful for.

My bosses are wonderful. They let me work my own hours, they let me wear what I want, they welcome me and make me feel at home. This has been the BEST JOB I have ever had. The fact that it started out as, 'As long as there is data entry work' to 'When our son moves to AZ with his wife you will be moved to a new position and will be perm.'

This girl is SOOOOO blessed!


Monday, November 12, 2012

Moving up

While I hate to say it, its time for me to move on from this hurt and pain.

You died and left me. Not the other way around. I was hoping for redemption in our future and you left. Not only did you leave but you left angry with me. I understand your anger with me but what I do not understand is your willingness to just go.

You will always be my first love, that is something no one will ever take from me. What I cannot do is pine after you any longer. I am choosing to appreciate the fact that I was given love in this manner and sharing it with the world.

I cannot put this pressure on anyone else. My love for you is intimidating and for that I apologize for never giving any other man a fair shot at loving me. All I can hope for is the first step which is saying good bye for good and accepting that our chance went to the grave with you.

I love you Christopher. You have pieces of me I cannot get back but I have the same of you. You will live on forever in me. Please watch over me and Jordan.

Friday, October 26, 2012

Just because.......

I really want to point out that just because I am not there doesn't mean that I have NO CLUE whats going on! My question is did you loose you job, or lie to me about having to go in everyday? I mean I know you are a POS but if you were lying that REALLY takes the cake.

Doing things that involve me and thinking I won't find out is a whole different story. Like did you really think I wouldn't find out? I have my own family AND friends who life within a few miles of you so if you really think I don't have people checking up on the house where my name is included you are the stupidest person on the face of the planet. Just thought you should know.

On to other things.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Somewhere I can fall

I have this place.....

I don't know why its MY place but it is. I had it in AZ and I have it here in WA. No matter what I do or where I look this is here for me. My friends are always found here. On Monday I was with one of these friends and while I was waiting for my ride she lost her cell. No biggie I will call it and help find it. Called it twice with no luck. She went back to where we were to find it so we waited. When she got back I told her we needed to look one more time.

So I called her cell while we were in her trunk and I bent into the trunk and saw a light. There was her cell somehow in the back of her truck way out of view. The darn thing was off.....

LOL She gave me the biggest hug, she was so appreciative. I LOVE when people aren't afraid to show emotion. Those people are my favorite.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Getting there

Last week I stopped for lunch before work, I get in at 11:30, and as I was waiting to pull out this guy pulls down his head phones, takes off his glasses and yells wow you are beautiful. Now after years of feeling like garbage and getting talked to like a slave it was nice to hear that.

So last night I was on the way to Jordan's cheer class and I wanted to get a tea so I got to the pull in spot and there were some pedestrians walking so I waited for them and one of them waived me in so I drove in but then he started to wave at me. So when he caught up with me in the parking lot this dude totally asked me out! LOL

I mean I totally turned him down because he totally wasn't my type and well I am just not ready yet but talk about more flattering things in life.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Getting it all out

So yesterday while I was at work I began writing things about growth and accepting the future. As I wrote my topic found a victim and somehow my beautiful handwritten letter turned into my unleashing all of my anger from the last six and a half years in a four page letter. The thing is All the anger I unleashed was from the last 4 months. It really had nothing to do with anything else. The main thing I was trying to get at was our past means something but it doesn't mean everything. That we need to accept it but leave it.

I won't get over it but what I will do is use this as something to build on.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Things sound different

A year ago today I was stressed about everything. My relationship was weird, I was being 'cyber stalked' and my hair was falling out, even more then usual, and I didn't feel good at all. Everything all kind of 'felt' weird. I mean we were good at making our lives LOOK great. It was like we had perfected this lie that we were willing to keep up with.

I was IN LOVE with someone who was still unsure of what they wanted out of life.

Looking back now its insane to see the transformation from what I thought I knew into what I know now. Looking back I was blind to many of the things happening around me. I was also blind to what I was feeling. I was heartbroken over so many things happening around me and I wasn't dealing with it at all. Instead I was hiding in this 'idea' of the perfect relationship. So I hid and ignored who I am to be who I was.

So here is my current song, I can't remember if I posted this song on here or on my Facebook but I am posting the lyrics here and then the video. I LOVE this song and the words are so strong and meaningful and totally mean something to me.

I kept waiting on a reason
And a call that never came
No I never, saw it comin'
Somethin' in you
Must have changed

All the words unspoken
Promises broken
I cried for so long.
Wasted too much time
Should have seen the signs.
Now I know, just what went wrong

I guess I wanted you more
And looking back now I'm sure
I wanted you more
I guess I wanted you more

All the nights we spent just talkin'
Of the things we wanted out of life (out of life)
Makin' plans and dreams together
I wish I'd seen I was just too blind

My heart was open
Exposed and hoping
For you to lay it on the line
But in the end it seemed
There was no room for me
Still I tried, to change your mind.

I guess I wanted you more
And looking back now I'm sure
I wanted you more
I guess I wanted you more

Ohhh, I don't need you
I don't need you anymore

I guess I wanted you more
And looking back now I'm sure
I wanted you more
I guess I wanted you more

I don't need you
I don't need you anymore

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Thats it

Is happiness really THIS easy? Like seriously? I have great friends, literally the best in this whole world you just don't know, I have a great job and I am happy. I wish I had more words to describe it but happy seems to be enough. I am going to add some pics since I rarely add some. These are all pics from 9/25 when we went over to Bremerton with my sister, brother in law and my nephews.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Just Devistated

Guess what? I saw you today. After my agonizing day yesterday of knowing you were gone a full year I went to see you. I saw the flowers that were left and the flag above your name and I was beaming with joy for you. Then I became sad and heartbroken that you are infact gone. We walked around and noticed the ages of all the vetrans all around you and compared to them you were just a boy. So I sat there repeating, 'I Love You' over and over in my head. The site reminded me so much of where my brother is buried, with the beautiful trees and hills but why? Why are you gone completely? I am so sad. My eyes welled for a while over you. Then I made a mistake. I read all of our old emails. At least the ones towards the end. I hope you didn't hate me :( I am broken hearted over what I was saying. I am going to see if I can get into that old email address and see how you responded. I know when I walked away it was to save myself. I know it hurt you. It kills me :( ******UPDATE(or addition) I forgot to say that while I was there questioning if you heard me the noises of another military funeral happening down the way*********

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

When life is complete

I am really in a downer mood currently so bare with me here. Last year, right now, my now ex was in California with our kids dealing with his grandmother who was really sick and who was days from passing. Then we found out that on this day, September 19th, that his daughter's ex step dad passed away. At the time it really didn't bother us because even though he wasn't apart of our lives I really feel now like I was horrible and never gave this guy a fair chance. I am lucky to kind of get to know his AMAZING family and be apart of it. I can tell his dad anything and I feel like he really hears me and cares about me in a way I have never felt before. I will post more about this situation on Saturday about the last death which impacted me the most. Its been an odd year........

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Why Lie?

Seriously? I don't understand your motivation. Here is the deal. I tell the TRUTH. I know YOU DON'T. The difference is when getting approached with the lies you are telling I want to immediately call you and ask you what the hell your problem is! Then I remember I hate you and am back to reality! LOL I just want you to know all of your BS is making its way back to me QUICK! You want to lie and be an ass I know! LOL On to the next, I am already doing WAY better then you would think :) I am not going to say too much but let me tell you I am happy.

Monday, September 10, 2012

One year ago

One year ago today was a scary day. My best friend was literally having to make life and death decisions. I was in town with the idea of throwing a baby shower, which was scrapped 24 hours before because of the Medical scare. Luckily baby was born and mom was out of the woods but it began a long process of keeping him healthy. To this day he is the strongest baby I have been around. Nothing gets in the way of this kid. I am so glad, and sad, that I was able to share in this. Its a memory I will keep with me for life.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Changes make things good

Today I was texting with a friend in Phoenix thanking her for the kind way she treated me on that last weekend I was living there, when I felt so alone and confused and for some reason as I was typing I was immediately brought to tears. Her kindness is something you don't get too often and like I told her she is setting such a great example for not only her kids but my kid. She put out there that even in times of stress and sadness there is happy. I love her. I love how great I feel.

I am making new friends and growing and feeling like a mature adult.

In other news Friday was ONE MONTH to the day that I moved here. All that I see is growth since that day. Saturday was the birthday party for my friends son, which also marked one year to the day that I actually flew up to Seattle to help throw her baby shower. Today, Sunday the 9th, is one year to the day that she was rushed to the hospital in a life and death situation. Which was stressful because we didn't want to stress them out so we went to the store and got some drinks and found other places to put that worry.

That night I went and held her hand and let her know I love her and it was the most stressful night I have had in a while. There was no sleep. I will post more tomorrow. There is a ton of stuff going on that just rubs me the wrong way but today and tomorrow are about love and life. Nothing else.

Well ok I lied, check my adoption blog in a few minutes I read some crap yesterday that sent me into a tail spin.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Hitting a realization

I feel bad for people I loathed before. Yeah and now I feel bad and am giving them ways to look better. I hate being mistreated and I hate worse when I feel like I have mistreated someone unjustly. I rarely hate people blindly and while I usually give everyone a fair chance looking back it may not always be the issue and I am making amends where I feel I need too.

On the other side of that MANY people NEVER gave me a fair chance and looking back I am still baffled by their unjust judgements on me and their extreme mistreatment of my child. With the way I am getting treated now I cannot believe I let people get away with that anger and hatred for so long! I feel loved, happy, welcome and more.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

First Day! :-)

Today was my first day and I had fun. I mean rules and regulations and stuff. It was all common sense and stuff BUT I am glad we covered it. It was nice to see how easily it was for me to get back into it. Now lets see how far I can get here :)

Like I said before I will work at this job as long as they take me :)

Monday, September 3, 2012

Lessons Learned

Its been a full month that I have had to reflect on the life that I created and how it get torn away from me like it was no big deal. I am still very angry about how my child got treated and I feel that it was handled extremely wrong but I digress.

So anywho I thought to myself this morning, what exactly did I learn here? Well Never date a guy who insists he HATES his mother. He protested so much it was almost like he tried to convince himself that he hated her. She made his life a living hell for years, and still does, and so I think he was hoping if he said it enough that he would eventually believe it.

Money CAN buy happiness if you are working with an extremely superficial person. It CAN ALSO buy love with that same person. That really makes me sad too. I grew up with nothing and still have nothing and I am happy about it. Its something my kid can see too that we don't need things and stuff to be happy. Going to the beach and playing in the water for free makes her as happy as her gameboy.

If you aren't willing to fight, you shouldn't be in a relationship. Its a two line highway and if you are going in opposite directions you will never get anywhere.

Fighting is ok. Yeah you need to fight, no relationship is perfect and forcing two people to cohabitate is unnatural. What helps is knowing that fighting is whats needed to find a perfect balance. What doesn't help? Walking away and refusing to talk. Or getting in someones face and screaming 'GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!' like a child. LMAO!!! Seriously.

If you want to take a break you might as well call it off, FOR REAL!

Do not bring a baby into a relationship where you THINK you know whats going to happen in the future. If you cannot agree about the future keeps kids out of it.

I am in a good mood today! This makes me feel better.

Saturday, September 1, 2012


I heard this song the other day and it made me feel better. Its weird because the only thing I miss is the way you looked at me and how when I said I hated you, you knew it meant I loved you too much.

Today is a new day. Each day is a way to show I am moving on. I don't miss you........

I miss US......

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

God is Good!!!

Four weeks after I left that MESS and started my new life I will be at my new job. The blessings and happiness I have RIGHT THIS SECOND totally make up for the stress. I am SO SO SO SO SO SO happy! Prayers have been answered!!!!!!

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Three Weeks

Yeah I have been here for three weeks and it couldn't feel more right. In fact three weeks from RIGHT NOW I was on a plane. Eating the odd trail mix that was offered and enjoying some juice. Checking on Jordan every three seconds to make sure she was ok. Right now she is sitting at the table playing legos and loving on the puppies. We have a week until school begins and a week until I hopefully begin working. So at four weeks I will have come full circle, hopefully, with Jordan feeling stable and being stable. School will have begun and I will be ready for a new step towards the new me.

Its been a great step and I feel good.

Deep Breath Time

So now I am sitting here taking a breath. I am not being impatient. I do not want to rush the process. I do not want to get cocky. It IS hard knowing not one but TWO people were impressed with me and my attitude. So being cocky needs to be reserved for when I actually get the job :D I should hear today or tomorrow FOR SURE. The offer is on the table which I am grateful and happy for. Just need pass this LAST test.

Come on lets do it! Positive thoughts. Happy me. I am surrounded by greatness so I am hoping its going to rub off on me!

Any thoughts? I have a ton of readers and no comments LOL

Sunday, August 26, 2012

This song rang true 10 years ago when it first came out and Chris and I were over. Today its just as true. The line about knowing all the faces and them not allowing me to change is forever true. I am NOT alone and am surrounded by love and happiness and friends and family who cares about me. Love me some rascal flatts.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Busy life, busy week

This week we have been all over the place, the mall, the farm, my cousins house basically all over any place within an hour of our house. The only place we haven't gone is actually Seattle LOL. Amazing! We have had so much fun and though I know that this is going to end super quick its nice to know that Jordan is having a great time. School starts in just over a week. Hopefully my job starts in a few weeks too :) Send me happy thoughts!

Tuesday, August 21, 2012


Just because I am trapped under a boot doesn't mean I will be here forever. I hate to say this but Chumba Wumba rings true today, 'I get knocked down, but I get up again' so I will get back up, muddy and hurt to try again. There were no winners in what happened only loosers. We all lost and whats worse is the kids lost the most and YOU don't seem to give a flying rats ass. Selfish SOB. Anywho. I am trying and trying and trying and even though I am not ahead of the game I am still higher then I thought I would be. This guy Chris makes me super confident. Like I can accomplish anything. I hope he continues to believe in me because I know if I don't get paid he doesn't :)

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Day in the sun

Its easy to pretend that you are happy when the clouds are out and there is a breeze. Sadly the second the sun peeks out it begins to feel like hell adding heat and moisture to a sick girl with a 'getting sick' kid just has bad written all over it, though I will say it was her idea to 'get out.' So any who today we went to a car show up North and all in all it was good with a few icks here and there. I love being here and I love all the hope I am getting I just hats this cloud that's hanging around me.

Saturday, August 18, 2012


I have been sick for a full day and I am not loving it! If you can let the giant sitting on my face to get the crap off I would appreciate it. I need to feel better by Monday and I KNOW its not going to happen because my friend has been sick since Thursday and she is still feeling icky. BOO! My face hurts! :( WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Friday, August 17, 2012

Each Day I grow closer

Today I did what I have been doing since I got here and I think it may have me stuck in a rut. So I think tomorrow I am going to try a new approach which is ok. I am pushing on. Today I think I began to feel 'normal' again. Less like discarded trash and more like a piece of this life I am in. I mentioned to my friend how all I have in me is anger, no sadness, and he said well sure you kind of knew the relationship was over months ago and while you still held hope that it could be repaired you weren't blind to the hints. Which is true. He was acting like a downright teenager and when that began my interest in him totally tanked, I saw him as a child who was extremely selfish and it quickly became unappealing. The last time we did anything I couldn't even get interested I just felt squished and hungry, Lol. So here I am totally getting 'looked at' and feeling like a million bucks. Once I get steady I will start looking for something real, no flings or one nighters for me, show me the guy with a passion, a truck, a 5-o'clock shadow and a killer smile and I will get interested. :-)

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Just thinking........

Here I am again with you on my mind. Today I got a call from a Chris and am hoping its my 'sign' that this is my path. Everyone has such faith in me and swears this is where I belong but I doubt it. Not that being here doesn't feel like MY place because it totally does. I remember my first time here I was barely 21 and I was coming here as a not so surprise for you. Your mom and I worked so hard to keep it a secret while you were over seas an then you called me at 12:01 am my time on my birthday to surprise me and I was already drunk, Lol I totally ruined the surprise. So I spent the first day without you hanging out with your family and I loved them all so much. Then we were on our way to see you and it was so weird, six months of letters and quick phone calls couldn't prepare my heart for that moment I saw you.I know I looked restrained because I let your mom, sister and step dad greet you first but we were connected in unexplained ways. The second our eyes met and you picked me up it was all over. You had me. That kiss should be in a museum somewhere because it put movies to shame it was breathtaking. Knowing I will never have that again is tragic. I will always tell my kid(s) about that time and how it felt. So again as I wrap up tonight, I was watching American Reunion, please watch over us. Please lead me to my path. Know that I love you and never stopped, even when we broke up. I miss you........

Being Honest

If someone is honest why are they punished? People go around lying and getting everything and those of us who share what is critical get the shaft. I am so frustrated. No matter how happy and optimistic I try to be I get kicked down. People walk all over me and have for years and my pay back is this......

Fantastic I guess. If karma is real I feel bad for those who aren't having hard times right now and are acting like complete asses. This situation SUCKS and if its this bad now karma owes me some heavy easy times.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Confidence boost

So yesterday I was waiting at an office and this guy walked in. It was awesome he looked at me, then looked back and then a third time took a hard third look :) Oh let let me tell you he was a cutie and a total country boy. Not that I am looking, because I need to work on me first, but wow it felt amazing to have someone triple check me and grin the whole time. Of course it helped that he was good looking but that is besides the point.

So yeah I know this is my second post today but that made me feel good.

A bump in the road

So now I am forced to be on a lease in a State I don't live in all because I was forced to sign the lease under false pretenses. He never intended on letting me stay there and now I am tied to him for another NINE months!!! WOW! Holy crap!

I am confident I hate him more this second then I have the whole TWO weeks I have been going through this! Yeah two weeks ago I woke up happy and in love and that QUICKLY faded to hate, anger and disgust. If I could spit in his face I would. If you are reading this and know who I am talking about find him and do so for me please :) or his car.......or his front door........ and do it if you are sick more :) LOL

Oh well on to the next.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

One week......

A week ago today my scheduled flight was late, some light issue, and I was scared out of my mind. The only life my child has known was ripped from her and we were moving to a foreign place, to her at least. Ever since I came here in April of 2002 I have wanted to move here. Not in this way or under these circumstances but here was my end plan. Now here I am, jobless and broke wondering what my life's path holds. While I won't hold my breath for perfection I will accept any form of survival that makes my 'broke' go away and since I feel healed I will move on in the dating world when I am on my feet. :*)

Monday, August 13, 2012


Today I realized I missed you. I am miles from our first kiss. I am miles from our first hug. All of our firsts happened miles from where I lay tonight. Your passing was the beginning of the end of my relationship with HIM.when I heard about your passing it was like my soul died and would never be whole again. I always kind of held hope that we would find each other again. Chris, I miss you so much tonight. You were my first love and the one that got away. I have to face facts that I walked away when I didn't want too. We were perfect together in everyway and I am kicking myself for letting you go. I know it wouldn't change your circumstances and I am certain if we were still together when you passed I would still be hollow on the inside but I would have gotten that time with you. So here it is, I am heartbroken that I hurt you the way I did. Your situation scared me and we were so far apart. I saw the desperation in your eyes when you begged me to love you forever, when you asked me to move to NY to be with you. Saying no cut me deep. I lost your mom as a friend, I temporarily lost your sister as a friend as well. Those relationships I will rebuild now that I am here. I just hope that they don't blame me like I blame myself. Please watch over me and guide me. I love you Christopher A.B. (I still love that our initials matched) <3

Over Six years and what?

I fell in love. It was the second greatest love of my life and I FOUGHT to keep it for over six years. What did I get out of it? NOTHING! Oh wait I have a child who lost the only 'daddy' she has ever known. Does that son of a bitch care? NO! He does not! You know what he cares about? His beer, his cigarattes, his beer making, his 'MEDICINE', and himself. I dealt with drama after drama by him and his mother and his sister in law for six years and all I got out of it was a heart broken child and a $300 power bill.

The $300 I can deal with. I will hopefully speak with the company and get it sorted out so they don't come after me and I can get utilities turned on here in my name but my child? Are you freaking kidding me? He was willing to kick HER out on the street. He didn't care about her. He cared about himself. Oh lets rephrase something there were lies being thrown around by a KNOWN liar who used their GO TO LIE to get me gone and apparently this son of a bitch was just looking for a way out. Get some damn balls and say shit to my face. You realize we share friends right? Dumb fuck!

Some people just need to grow the eff up. Ok while I type that I realize I am acting childish but I am pissed. My child is hurt! How is she ever going to trust someone again when all she got after 6 years was kicked out? So here I am 'mentally' blocked while working some things out and all I want to do is punch and kick and scream.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Jordan Turned 9!!!

Wow! Amongst all that drama and issue I never forgot how close it all was to Jordan's birthday. My baby turned 9 yesterday. So we started the day with Pancakes. Chocolate chip ones to be exact. She got her favorite braid in her hair and then left with the boys to help prepare the boat for a trip on the lake. When we got to the lake Jordan was excited to see that Heather and I had bought Subway, which is one of her faves, and out on the Lake we went. She got to see the Space Needle and ride up front with Mike.

Shortly before we left Jordan and Mike went on tubes and all in all it was a great afternoon. Afterwards we went home and had dinner while watching Aladdin. Hot Dogs and Mac and Cheese. Then Jordan had presents and got the very few things she had been asking for plus a ton more and she was thrilled. In fact she was WAY wiped out before usual and when I got to bed she was dead to the world.

So I am able to check an item off of my list. Happy Child.........Check.

Friday, August 10, 2012

Well Hello there

This is my NEW blog :) Yup I now have three. Keep an eye out. I will be posting as much as I can but right now I am focusing on my family. My friend Walter suggested I name my 'new chapter' redemption so here it is. I hope you stay tuned because apparently I have a great life in the waiting for me after 6 1/2 years of complete and utter bull crap :D