Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Feeling unsure about that....

My poor friend Chelly.......

She is such a great friend and I totally appreciate her but she has sat there and listened to me talk about so and so since we became friends. I swear she is the most amazing person I know.

She supports me, she holds me up, I feel so appreciated when I am speaking to her. I am not going to be talking about whats happening in my life because I don't want it back in my face but Life is great, God is good.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Just letting things happen

So IF things go the way they do here is the plan. Enjoying how I feel NOW.

Church today was about facing our demons and well we all know what my DEMON is. The one who just won't let it go. Until I HAVE to deal with it I think its just best if I just let it go. I am doing what I can to just ignore it but I am having to struggle and stress because YOU do drugs and couldn't keep it together when you decided SELFISHLY to end our relationship. Must be burning your mom now to see how I kept your butt in shape for all that time! HAHAHA Oh yeah that feels good :)

So in this plan is getting to REALLY know the people I have in my life. Getting to know them in a non techy way. Like I said before if/when I I start, or already started, dating I was going to keep that relationship to myself for as long as I can. Try and avoid phones and social media and doing anything that has anything to do with it.

The way I feel NOW will only work if it continues when I am with him. Right now I am enjoying it......

Friday, November 16, 2012

Trying to move on

Whats hard about moving on from the last guy.....

The fact that he is still finding ways to keep his drama spilling into my life. Its interesting how he was so insistent on my being the root cause of all of the drama that occupied OUR life, when honestly most of it was HIS mommy, but since I have been gone NO drama has happened with me here or the people I am choosing to surround my life with.

The worst, I cannot get my name off of the lease no matter how hard I beg. He keeps letting undesirables live with him and I am going to have to pay for his mistakes all because he let me sign a lease KNOWING full well he wanted nothing more with our relationship. The only thing keeping me in AZ was his looser ass and so you ALL know the SECOND I found out who he was turning into I was on the first flight I could get on to out of his life and into my own.

Since I have gotten back here I have been welcomed with open arms not only into my best friends life but into her husbands family, into the lives of all the new friends I have made, into a new church (which is similar to CCV) and of course into the lives of my bosses. That one I am the MOST thankful for.

My bosses are wonderful. They let me work my own hours, they let me wear what I want, they welcome me and make me feel at home. This has been the BEST JOB I have ever had. The fact that it started out as, 'As long as there is data entry work' to 'When our son moves to AZ with his wife you will be moved to a new position and will be perm.'

This girl is SOOOOO blessed!


Monday, November 12, 2012

Moving up

While I hate to say it, its time for me to move on from this hurt and pain.

You died and left me. Not the other way around. I was hoping for redemption in our future and you left. Not only did you leave but you left angry with me. I understand your anger with me but what I do not understand is your willingness to just go.

You will always be my first love, that is something no one will ever take from me. What I cannot do is pine after you any longer. I am choosing to appreciate the fact that I was given love in this manner and sharing it with the world.

I cannot put this pressure on anyone else. My love for you is intimidating and for that I apologize for never giving any other man a fair shot at loving me. All I can hope for is the first step which is saying good bye for good and accepting that our chance went to the grave with you.

I love you Christopher. You have pieces of me I cannot get back but I have the same of you. You will live on forever in me. Please watch over me and Jordan.