Just because.......

I really want to point out that just because I am not there doesn't mean that I have NO CLUE whats going on! My question is did you loose you job, or lie to me about having to go in everyday? I mean I know you are a POS but if you were lying that REALLY takes the cake.

Doing things that involve me and thinking I won't find out is a whole different story. Like did you really think I wouldn't find out? I have my own family AND friends who life within a few miles of you so if you really think I don't have people checking up on the house where my name is included you are the stupidest person on the face of the planet. Just thought you should know.

On to other things.

Somewhere I can fall

I have this place.....

I don't know why its MY place but it is. I had it in AZ and I have it here in WA. No matter what I do or where I look this is here for me. My friends are always found here. On Monday I was with one of these friends and while I was waiting for my ride she lost her cell. No biggie I will call it and help find it. Called it twice with no luck. She went back to where we were to find it so we waited. When she got back I told her we needed to look one more time.

So I called her cell while we were in her trunk and I bent into the trunk and saw a light. There was her cell somehow in the back of her truck way out of view. The darn thing was off.....

LOL She gave me the biggest hug, she was so appreciative. I LOVE when people aren't afraid to show emotion. Those people are my favorite.

Getting there

Last week I stopped for lunch before work, I get in at 11:30, and as I was waiting to pull out this guy pulls down his head phones, takes off his glasses and yells wow you are beautiful. Now after years of feeling like garbage and getting talked to like a slave it was nice to hear that.

So last night I was on the way to Jordan's cheer class and I wanted to get a tea so I got to the pull in spot and there were some pedestrians walking so I waited for them and one of them waived me in so I drove in but then he started to wave at me. So when he caught up with me in the parking lot this dude totally asked me out! LOL

I mean I totally turned him down because he totally wasn't my type and well I am just not ready yet but talk about more flattering things in life.

Getting it all out

So yesterday while I was at work I began writing things about growth and accepting the future. As I wrote my topic found a victim and somehow my beautiful handwritten letter turned into my unleashing all of my anger from the last six and a half years in a four page letter. The thing is All the anger I unleashed was from the last 4 months. It really had nothing to do with anything else. The main thing I was trying to get at was our past means something but it doesn't mean everything. That we need to accept it but leave it.

I won't get over it but what I will do is use this as something to build on.

Things sound different

A year ago today I was stressed about everything. My relationship was weird, I was being 'cyber stalked' and my hair was falling out, even more then usual, and I didn't feel good at all. Everything all kind of 'felt' weird. I mean we were good at making our lives LOOK great. It was like we had perfected this lie that we were willing to keep up with.

I was IN LOVE with someone who was still unsure of what they wanted out of life.

Looking back now its insane to see the transformation from what I thought I knew into what I know now. Looking back I was blind to many of the things happening around me. I was also blind to what I was feeling. I was heartbroken over so many things happening around me and I wasn't dealing with it at all. Instead I was hiding in this 'idea' of the perfect relationship. So I hid and ignored who I am to be who I was.

So here is my current song, I can't remember if I posted this song on here or on my Facebook but I am posting the lyrics here and then the video. I LOVE this song and the words are so strong and meaningful and totally mean something to me.

I kept waiting on a reason
And a call that never came
No I never, saw it comin'
Somethin' in you
Must have changed

All the words unspoken
Promises broken
I cried for so long.
Wasted too much time
Should have seen the signs.
Now I know, just what went wrong

I guess I wanted you more
And looking back now I'm sure
I wanted you more
I guess I wanted you more

All the nights we spent just talkin'
Of the things we wanted out of life (out of life)
Makin' plans and dreams together
I wish I'd seen I was just too blind

My heart was open
Exposed and hoping
For you to lay it on the line
But in the end it seemed
There was no room for me
Still I tried, to change your mind.

I guess I wanted you more
And looking back now I'm sure
I wanted you more
I guess I wanted you more

Ohhh, I don't need you
I don't need you anymore

I guess I wanted you more
And looking back now I'm sure
I wanted you more
I guess I wanted you more

I don't need you
I don't need you anymore