Thursday, March 28, 2013

You came back

Last night I had a dream. It started out beautiful. It stated out 11 years ago, remember? You? Me? This place? It was us against the world. But this story has a different middle. You know how I left? We fought like crazy because you wouldn't talk to me, trust in me, tell me anything? The only difference was we found our way we stopped fighting and we were married and had kids.

We both moved back to Tacoma and spent our lives with your family and our kids and we were happy. My dream was amazing. It was so happy. To be honest it was the best dream and the best nights sleep I think I have had since well to be honest since 11 years ago when you and I were together.

The reality of it is that the end of my dream you still died. Logic in my head is still always there. When I heard that you passed the reality of it was that even if we had lasted you would have still died. You would still be gone. So while it was amazing to have you in my safe place it was sad to loose you again in my dreams. I have to apologize to you because I stole your pics. :) I went to your fb and took them. I miss you and wanted to share your pics here.

This second picture I remember more than anything. I remember when you sent a copy to me from Germany. You were so excited. Of course you sent it to explain to me why you were so waisted when we were talking before but still looking at this picture always takes me back. 

I miss you. I am going to go and see you soon if I can. You know that I don't drink beer but I know I will do a shot as much as the next guy. I will miss you on my birthday like I have for years. I will never forget that call. The one you made at 12:01 am on my 21st birthday. You made me feel special. I was drunk and I can STILL remember the gesture. How I felt when I answered and heard your voice. How hearing you say 'I love you' made me feel. Those things will never be erased. I can just hope that there is another guy out there who can make me feel the way you did. <3

Wednesday, March 13, 2013


When I moved here I met someone I really liked. Honestly almost immediately. He was everything I have never had before. He looked at me like I was the most beautiful woman in the world, well he still does but not as often. We have hung out but in getting to know this person I found out he is nearly EXACTLY like my last bf except he didn't live his teens as a f*up. In fact he still isn't a f*up.

The steps that we took to get to where we are made me realize that I am ready to date someone who is ready too. So while I manage loosing a guy I never really thought I would end up with I am going to post this song. It kind of reminds me of him. I told him everything. Now I have to stop myself from calling him or sending him a 'quick' text many times in a day.