Go with your gut. I know its stupid. But here is the thing. I thought I loved someone and we talked about getting married all the time but I refused to commit because something in my gut always said NO. I felt like I wasn't the marrying kind. I mean look at my role models. My parents were divorced shortly after I was born. My dad seems to get married more often then I purchase shoes and my mom other then my dad has been married to a looser who lets just say should stay in jail for life.
Then relationships around me are all pretty crummy too. People who stay married that hate each other just because they don't believe in divorce. Some people stay married for life and die hating their significant other. I can't do that. When I get married its going to be for keeps. Lately I have begun to think that my waiting was for the best.
So back to what happened this year. When I felt something wrong and my gut told me to listen I did and I found out that I was dating the scum of the earth. My gut warned me things weren't right and I listened. So here I am. Happy. Enjoying some rain, typical, and loving life.
You have no clue how much I don't miss you. Yeah I think of you because I did care about you. I did love something about you. Funny thing I can't think of what it is or was. In fact I look at pictures of you and I feel NOTHING.
Sad but honestly not really.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Lesson one..... You cannot have your heart broken by someone when you didn't have it to give away. Those following my blog know that I met the man of my dreams in 2001. He was my first love. I was 20 and he was 27. He never had to say a word to me and I knew how beautiful I was to him. We fell in love the old fashioned way, through letters while he was fighting in the war. I gave my heart and soul to him. We tried to find each other at different times but one of us was always in something else. When he died a part of me died. To this day I still crave him. Ok let me explain that. Chris talked to me like everything out of my mouth was gold. Even if he thought I was being a silly kid he played along. He looked at me and through his eyes all I saw was love. At 21 I waisted that. It frighted me to know that love was out there so I ran. So when my most recent relationship ended I found myself crying over my stupidity. I found myself crying over what I missed with Chris. I cried over years waisted with a looser when I had my King and hero waiting for me here in Washington. I know a part of my heart is back. With each day I heal and while I still miss Chris he will always be a part of who I am. Yes I waisted close to 7 years with someone who made me feel ugly, useless and a looser but he can never experience what Chris and I had. So now I am choosing to move on. I 'may' have prospects. I 'may' be dating already. I also 'may' never date again....lol yeah right who am I kidding. Lets just say. I feel pretty again.....