Just Devistated

Guess what? I saw you today. After my agonizing day yesterday of knowing you were gone a full year I went to see you. I saw the flowers that were left and the flag above your name and I was beaming with joy for you. Then I became sad and heartbroken that you are infact gone. We walked around and noticed the ages of all the vetrans all around you and compared to them you were just a boy. So I sat there repeating, 'I Love You' over and over in my head. The site reminded me so much of where my brother is buried, with the beautiful trees and hills but why? Why are you gone completely? I am so sad. My eyes welled for a while over you. Then I made a mistake. I read all of our old emails. At least the ones towards the end. I hope you didn't hate me :( I am broken hearted over what I was saying. I am going to see if I can get into that old email address and see how you responded. I know when I walked away it was to save myself. I know it hurt you. It kills me :( ******UPDATE(or addition) I forgot to say that while I was there questioning if you heard me the noises of another military funeral happening down the way*********