Sorry

Today I realized I missed you. I am miles from our first kiss. I am miles from our first hug. All of our firsts happened miles from where I lay tonight. Your passing was the beginning of the end of my relationship with HIM.when I heard about your passing it was like my soul died and would never be whole again. I always kind of held hope that we would find each other again. Chris, I miss you so much tonight. You were my first love and the one that got away. I have to face facts that I walked away when I didn't want too. We were perfect together in everyway and I am kicking myself for letting you go. I know it wouldn't change your circumstances and I am certain if we were still together when you passed I would still be hollow on the inside but I would have gotten that time with you. So here it is, I am heartbroken that I hurt you the way I did. Your situation scared me and we were so far apart. I saw the desperation in your eyes when you begged me to love you forever, when you asked me to move to NY to be with you. Saying no cut me deep. I lost your mom as a friend, I temporarily lost your sister as a friend as well. Those relationships I will rebuild now that I am here. I just hope that they don't blame me like I blame myself. Please watch over me and guide me. I love you Christopher A.B. (I still love that our initials matched) <3