Safety

All that matters at the end of this week is that the weekend is here and I will get an extra day to recover.

Just ignore all that fuzz....

Something great is happening. I don't know why it picked me but it has. I have become fascinated with the whole 'Whats going to happen next?!?!' Each day has become an adventure. Each time my phone chimes a new message I get excited. I count down days, hours until I get it in person.

This girl wears a smile a large majority of the day. It may be nothing but boy if I am not having a great time finding out. People around me are mostly sick of hearing about it but I don't care. I love to share this feeling and if I have to go to the ends of the earth to make sure everyone is smiling like me then I might as well begin my trek.

Inside jokes, many inside jokes and don't ask how we pulled THAT off. Eyes wide open, but closed when the time is right. Talks of the what may be and the caution of the what might happen.

All I can say is at the end of the day, even if it doesn't go as hoped, I can turn around and say someone once treated me like I was worth it. Didn't jump the gun. Didn't look at me like I was crazy, even when I was acting crazy, because 'I was upfront about those actions.'


(Can we just skip to the next part so I know... HAHAHA)

You just don't know

I hate when people decide to hate you without having all the facts. I am so done with it. Hate to tell you but I am a kind, caring, loving woman who puts those she loves before herself. EVEN WHEN those people do not do the same. Here is the thing. I love Jordan. She is my everything. What doesn't come up with my daughter is all the things that happened when I was a teenager. A TEENAGER. All teenagers make mistakes, sorry bro it happens. What also happens when you are a teen is you will blindly follow and trust people when you shouldn't. I made that mistake. ONCE.

Yeah and sadly that mistake follows me through everything I do. What isn't fair is people who go LOOKING for my PAST mistakes and blindly judge me on those items without even trying to find out WHAT HAPPENED. Hey I have an idea why aren't you looking deeper? You know try and find other things that happened to me. Guess what one mistake that happened FOURTEEN YEARS AGO was never repeated and WILL NOT be repeated because those kinds of people I was letting into my life are no longer welcome near me. Seriously FOURTEEN YEARS AGO and you feel the need to think I am the same person I was. Lets be honest other than the whole 'blindly helping people out when I know I shouldn't' and the whole 'letting anyone into my life' has changed but the whole 'being a great person because I can' thing has stuck around. So get off of your not earned high horse and learn to treat people with respect.

I pay my bills. I take care of my child. I care for my man as BEST AS I CAN. I don't drink but once a month at this rate and well I rarely get 'drunk.' I NEVER do drugs. I don't get pregnant to keep men. I am clean. I work my ass off. I am a GREAT cook. I am also a wonderful baker. I attend church and have made beautiful friendships there. I volunteer at as many events as I can and I go out of my way to let others know I love them.

My down falls, I am HIGHLY emotional. My past does get in the way of my working from time to time. My health has been on a steady decline, so much so that my Doctor keeps doing blood draws to find hints and clues as to why. I get offended at the smallest issues. I take next to everything personally but would NEVER say so. I keep things to myself and only, at this rate, two or three people really know the real me.

So if you aren't in the pictures I am about to post you have NO RIGHT to question me or my past because these people don't and they are my whole world.

Sorry

I have been having so much fun I forgot about this blog here. So here is an update.

Steve and I have been together now for 10 months. Here are pictures of us on the Seattle Marina.

Also on the same day we visited the Seattle 'Pikes Place' Gum wall which is certified the SECOND germiest place in all of the world.

I have been keeping Steve busy with new places like all the Marinas. Looking at the water with the ones you love is pretty awesome.

At one point my cousins came into town so we all went to breakfast. Here are the four of us.

Jordan has been in gymnastics and attended a 'Owl Nighter' in the gym for Halloween. I took some pics from their FB. Most of them include her friend Angelisa. In the last one Jordan is the Mummy. 

It also has snowed a few times, which Jordan absolutely ADORES, so Here is a pic of her playing in it. 

Last but not least are pics of Jordan, Steve and I everywhere. (The last one is one Steve sent to me on one of our beach walks)

damn my thoughts

So here I am needing to know too much and what happens? I hate myself for it. All I have to say is bitch is done so she better walk away from what she gave up or I am not sure how I am going to react. I find myself irritated at the past... LOL like am I kidding myself? Everyone has a past. I have one. So why does it bother me so.

I am so lame.

Being in love really sucks.

No clue

I have began like 3 or 4 blogs but I get distracted with work, the kid, the bf or something and I just end up closing the window. lol l so something quick.

I am still with Steve. Two months and while there are issues we seem to get past them. I love him and was finally able to tell him in a way that meant something to me. He is more free with it and it makes me the happiest person ever. I miss his face. I miss his kisses. I miss the feeling of no cares in the world when I am in his arms.

Making plans

Its funny how normal it is to say, we need this in OUR whatever..... It doesn't matter what it is its just 'normal'

On the flip side it was weird to talk about watching tv like a normal couple to someone today. 'Oh well we saw this on tv this weekend.' Wait we watched tv together? Wow that's kind of weird. We never have time to just 'watch tv' LOL

My heart is gone...